Masturbation Is Deadly — And Other Things I Learned This Weekend

With the weekend come and gone, there were a lot of interesting things that caught my eye — none of them were worthy enough of me going on and on about, but they all merited mentioning.  A note that some of these blurbs aren’t the “freshest” bits of info; as I said last night, some of this was in the making on Friday when I got my bad family-related news.

Anyway, onward and upward we go with all that’s uplifting — or, maybe we’ll just head right into the gutter instead.  Your mileage may vary.

This report on the perils of … er … “being your own best friend” isn’t exactly fresh off of the presses, but I just saw it for the first time as it was mentioned on a comic book message board I frequent.  Of course, that’s where I found it!  As if there’s not enough stereotypes about comic book collectors that one has to deal with.


Wouldn't know a "10" if it walked right in front of him -- but I bet that comic book's at least a 9.8

One of the messages here apparently is that, if you’re spending a little bit too much time home alone as a youngster thumbing through your Dad’s Playboys, then there’s a possibility that you might be putting your future health at risk (whoever thought that the old-school “blindness” threat would be preferable?).  Of course, that’s a simplistic way to look at things — the main point of the study seems to be that the higher risk of prostate cancer can be linked to a higher sex drive, which in turn could be a cause of frequent masturbation — and researchers have said that more study will be needed before anything conclusive is determined.  (What type of study — I’d rather not know.)

In the meantime, we’re left with this sobering equation for today:  a high number of young males who use the internet + an abundance of easily-found, free pornography may = a lower life expectancy.  Yikes.  I think I’ll make that doctor’s appointment myself tomorrow.

— One thing I neglected to mention from the Oscar’s telecast last week was the impression Ben Stiller did of Joaquin Phoenix during the presentation of the award for cinematographers.  If you missed it, then here it is:

Of course, this comes on the heels of Phoenix’s bizarre appearance on Letterman shortly before.

I’m torn between laughing at Stiller’s bit and feeling a bit saddened at watching another high-profile celebrity have his career careen off the rails as Phoenix’s may be doing.  The talented actor, twice nominated for Oscars himself, has apparently given up acting to become a hip-hop performer.  His early appearances as music “star” have gotten awful reviews, and more than one person has speculated that Phoenix’s actions may be part of an enormous con, ala Andy Kaufman.  When you’re dealing with a Hollywood celebrity, sadly one always has to consider drugs to be a possible factor, much as it was in the death of his brother, River.  Whatever’s going on with Phoenix, though, you can only hope for a happier ending for him than the one he seems to be headed for now.

— The Stiller note from the Oscars also reminded me that Natalie Portman continues to be hot, and I welcome the excuse to show her at any opportunity.

Just remember, fellow Star  Wars fans — it wasn’t her fault the prequels stunk.  Blame the carpenter Lucas, not his tools.

— Manny Ramirez is still unemployed, after he and his agent Scott Boras rejected the Dodgers’ latest offer, this one a two-year deal (the 2nd year as a player option) in the neighborhoood of $45 million.  The Dodgers are understandably frustrated at this point, but they can’t say that they’re surprised — no one who’s ever negotiated with a Boras client before gets to claim that.

I have no idea where Boras and Ramirez think this extra money and/or years they seem to expect want is going to come from.  The Giants are still interested, true — but they’re not going to be offering more than the Dodgers at this point.  There are no other serious bidders, apparently — or bidders period for that matter.  If the Dodgers want to play hardball with Manny, they probably can — and they might land Ramirez at an even cheaper price than this as the season gets closer (or even once it gets underway).  One  problem for the team is that, usually when Boras gets in these games of chicken with MLB executives, it isn’t the agent who ends up folding.  Another is that, the longer this drags on and the more Ramirez feels “disrespected” by the contract, the more likely Los Angeles is to be looking at the sequel to last year’s summer tantrum by the mercurial slugger.

— Finally, a reminder for everyone to vote in my poll to help me stock my bar.  The clock is ticking, so don’t be late to the party and miss your chance to influence what’s being served at my parties.  Remember, if your choice or preference isn’t in the listing of each category, then please use the comment feature to weigh in with your choice.  Thanks again!


2 Responses to “Masturbation Is Deadly — And Other Things I Learned This Weekend”

  1. sprentiss47 Says:

    In regards to Joaquin Phoenix…

    He was raised as a member of the religious cult Children of God. Check out their beliefs at

    Freaky stuff. About two months ago, I saw a great documentary on HBO about this group and it was amazing how many of the kids brought up in the cult had substance abuse problems and how many had committed suicide, including Joaquin’s older brother Phoenix. If you have the chance, check out the documentary:

  2. thelasthonestman Says:

    Thanks for the links. I knew about Phoenix’s connection to the cult, I thought about mentioning it since I thought it might have some relevance, then I decided to omit anything on it since I know so little about them, that I figured I’d just be talking out my rear at that point (as compared to what I usually do, you might ask? … but I digress).

    Again, though, good stuff here. I’ll try to check out the HBO special if I can. Sounds sufficiently disturbing enough to warrant a look.

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