Archive for February 27, 2009

Saying Goodbye

Posted in Personal on February 27, 2009 by thelasthonestman

I intended to post an update on some odd and end goings on this afternoon, but real life has unfortuantely intervened.  My aunt, who I had talked about a little bit earlier, passed away this afternoon.

We knew she was in bad shape, but even knowing that her time was short, I’m sitting here this evening stunned.  My wife and I were going to visit with her this weekend, but that’s not going to be, obviously.  I feel like I didn’t get a chance to say some sort of proper good-bye before she went, and I’m already angry with myself over it.  I had asked other relatives how long they thought she had, and I’d been reassured that she’d at least have a few weeks;  I don’t blame them for me not going to visit sooner this week, I blame myself — I should have gone as soon as possible, whether my wife was with me or not (she’d been working so much this past week, so Saturday was going to be the only day we could go see her together).  I don’t have any excuse for not doing so.  That, I’ll have to live with — maybe my experience will be a reminder for everyone else to never count on what’s obviously borrowed time for us all.

Thank you again for everyone who kept her in your prayers.  I thought I’d have something more profound to share with people when this happened, but I don’t.  I wish I did.  All I have are regrets and memories and emotions all jumbling around my head and my heart, and I need to sort all of them out first.  So I’m just going to sit here in the silence of my home for the rest of the night and think.

It”s all I can do right now.

It’s all I want to do.

At least for tonight.

Tomorrow, I’ll start to move forward again.  Tuesday, I’ll say good-bye to my aunt for the last time — and I’ll hope for the day we’ll see each other again in a better place.